Envy - Instigating Sarcasm of Success

You have just got a raise. But many of your colleagues or contemporaries did not get it. Obviously, they will come to you and congratulate you. Those who are genuine and good friends will indeed feel happy for you. They would feel good about you getting the raise or attaining whatever other success not obtained by everybody else. But you will also hear from those who are not that genuine. From those who would rather not see you get the raise. From those who would do all they can to make sure you do not succeed. 

If you ponder deeply and observe closely, the congratulations would be louder and more vociferous from those people who do not feel happy about it. When you have to convince yourself to do something that is against your deep feelings, you have to be forceful, persistent, loud and overtly clear. The same happens for the people who have to suppress their frustration and angst to look happy and benevolent. A genuine person would just congratulate you casually and move on. A phony person would be loud, partly to force you to believe in what is being said and partly to suppress that person's own ego & frustration. 

Those who are not happy within and are forced to look happy on the outside will have to make visible effort to look genuine. It is this forceful effort that kills the whole thing. Such persons are either too polite or too loud or too descriptive or too virtuous. Any superlative is visible. So is people's articulation of artificially enforced feelings. 

This is accentuated by envy. The people are so envious of your success that they muster a lot of courage and effort to congratulate on the outside while sulking on the inside. Their congratulations will be more elaborate. They would include a lot of indirect questions inside their elaborate message to extract the trick of the trade from your answers. Did you get special favors. Did you use special connections? Who helped you? Did you do something to make your bosses happy? Did you create some external influence? Can those tools be shared or transferred? Are you happy with your boss? And on and on and on. 

Sometimes, people are driven by their envy to even be subservient to you so that they can get a few of the tricks so that they can use later. You success shows that you are either more capable or are more valued by the organization or management. And this is what the envious cannot stand. They can lose themselves but they cannot see others move forward. It is more painful for them to see you succeed than to see themselves fail. 

Envy is a curious thing. In Nepali, there is a saying that monkey destroys both own and other's homes. Same monkey tendency is present in people with envy. They are forever unhappy with their own disposition and always feel a jolt when somebody around them attains something - material or immaterial, worldly or spiritual, wealth or health, friends or a raise. They simply cannot stand any good happing to others. 

From greatest villains in history to a normal next door neighbor or next cabin colleague, a envious person is a symbol of pervasive unhappiness and negativity. They cannot be truly happy however great they achieve because someone else around them is also getting successful ant this they cannot stand. 

Thursday 26 December 2019 (10 Poush 2076)  

गजबको चीज

तपाई सोध्नुहोला त्यो के चीज हो? सोच्नुहोला त्यो किन त्यस्तो गजबको छ? त्यस चीजको बारेमा यसो घोत्लिंदा मलाईं पनि त्यस्तै हुन्छ । कस्तो गजबको चीज रहेछ । त्यो नभई कोहि चुप लागेर बस्नै नसक्ने । अम्मलले ग्रस्त पारेको अम्मलीलाई झैं एकछिन त्यसको स्पर्श र सान्निध्य भएन भने नुन खाएको कुखुरा जस्तो झोक्राउनु पर्ने वा डोज हान्न नपाएर छटपटिएको दुर्व्यसनीलाई जस्तो कहाँ जाउँ र कसो गरौं हुने ।

कुनै समयमा तपाईं हामीलाई एक अर्कासंग जोड्ने नियतले मानिसले निर्माण गरेको त्यो चीजले अहिले ठीक त्यसको उल्टो काम गरेको प्रतीत हुन्छ । भेटघाटमा एक अर्कासंग कुरा गर्नु र दु:ख सुख बाड्नु भन्दा त्यो चीजभित्रका अनेक काल्पनिक संसारमा रमाउन सबैलाई हतार हुन्छ । टेबुल वरिपरि परिचितहरू बस्दा पनि कोहि कोहिसंग बोल्दैनन् । सबै आ-आफ्नो हत्केलामा अड्याइएको त्यो चिचमा भोको मान्छेले पर राखेको भोजलाई हेरे जस्तो टुलुटुलु हेरेर काल्पनिक दुनियामा रमाएका हुन्छन् । आफ्नो छेउमा वा सामुन्ने बसेको व्यक्तिको बारेमा कसैलाई हेक्का हुँदैन । अनि भन्नुस त्यो चिजले हामीलाई एक अर्का संग जोड्यो वा एक अर्काबाट टाढा पुर्‍यायो? मलाई त टाढा पुर्‍याए जस्तो लाग्छ । डेढ दुई दशक अगाडिका डबली, फलैंचा, पञ्चायत, बगैचा र चौतारिमा हुने जम्काभेट र तिनमा चल्ने भलाकुसारी, सिलोक कविता, दोहोरी वा गफाडीको गफले नै पनि कति मनका तनाव मेटिन्थे । आफू सरहका दौंतरी भेट हुन्थे । दु:ख सुखका कुरा हुन्थे । अरुको धेरै भएको वा आफ्नो थोरै भएकोमा रिस, डाह र वितृष्णा कम हुन्थ्यो । सबै आफ्नो सानो संसारमा रमाएकै थिए ।

त्यही कुरा अहिले हेर्नुस । संगै बसेको व्यक्तिले खायो खाएन वा सञ्चो विसञ्चो सोध्ने फुर्सद हामीसंग छैन । त्यो चीजमा देखिने सात समुद्र पारिका वा चिन्दै नचिनेका मानिसले मुस्काउँदै, ठुस्काउँदै, मुख चेप्र्याउँदै र ओठ लेप्र्याउँदै खिचेर पठाएका तस्विरमा देखिने खानेकुरा, सबारी साधन, समुद्री किनार, उद्यान आदिको विस्तारित र कृत्रिम सुन्दरता हेरेर हामी अनायास आफूलाई कमजोर, गरीब, पिछडिएको र निरीह पाउँछौ । अनि विनासित्ति आफ्नो कर्म, आफ्नो परिवार, आफ्नो गाउँ टोल र आफ्नो देशैलाई धिक्कार्न थाल्छौं । फाइदा? शुन्य । बरु सजिलैसंग निराशा र अवसातको रोगि हुन सक्छौं । परिवारमा कलह बढ्न सक्छ । रहेको जाँगर हराउन सक्छ । जीवसाथीसँग झगडा हुन सक्छ । छोराछोरीले गालि पाउन सक्छन् । सबको जड त्यो चीजमा देखिने टाढाको अपरिचित संसार र त्यो संसारसंग आफ्नो सानो संसारको तुलनाले ल्याउने मानसिक रोग ।

हिड्दा हिंड्दै, डुल्दा डुल्दै पनि प्रत्यक्ष कुराकानी मार्फत प्रेमीलाई प्रेयसी सँग, अभिभावकलाई सन्तानसँग, हाकिमलाई कर्मचारीसँग, साथीलाई साथीसँग, परिचितलाई परिचित सँग सम्पर्क साट्न तथा अपरिचितलाई अर्को अपरिचितसँग परिचय गाँस्न एउटा वरदानको रूपमा मान्छेले मान्छेकै लागि यो चीज बनाएको थियो । रहँदा वस्दा त्यस चीजमा अनेक फुर्का गाँसिए, क्षमता थपिए, सुन्दरतामा निखार आए एवम् त्यसका सीपमा अनेक विविधता आए । विस्तारै विस्तारै त्यो चीज मान्छेलाई मान्छेसँग सम्पर्क गर्ने साधनको रूपमा मात्र सीमित हुन मानेन ।

आवाजबाट अक्षर, अक्षर पछि तस्विर, तस्विर पछि गीत सङ्गीत, चलचित्र गर्दै अहिले मान्छेले देख्न, सुन्न, पढ्न र बुझ्न चाहने सबै राम्रा नराम्रा कुराको असीमित मुहान बनेको छ त्यो चीज । सिंगाने नानीदेखि कुप्रे बुढाबुढी सम्म, नानीका बा-आमा देखि सेलिब्रिटि सम्म, विद्यार्थी देखि प्राध्यापक सम्म, नेतादेखि अभिनेता सम्म, हाकिम देखि कार्यालय सहयोगी सम्म, डाक्टर देखि कन्डक्टर सम्म सबै यसै चीजको वरिपरि अनेक धुनमा लिप्त देखिन्छन् ।

नौ डाँडा पारी बसेका परिचित सँग तत्क्षण कुरा गर्न र छुट्टिएर बसेका प्रेमीको प्रेमलाई निरन्तरता दिन उपयोगी यो चीजले अनगिन्ति मुटुहरुलाई जोडेको छ, अनेक मायाका डोराहरूलाई बलिष्ठ बनाएको छ, असीमित व्यापार व्यवसायमा योगदान गरेको छ र एक प्रकारले समग्र मानव जीवनलाई रुपान्तरण पनि गरेको छ। त्यसो भन्दैमा यो चीजको प्रार्थनामा माला नै जप्नु पर्छ भन्ने चाहिं छैन । यही चीजले अनेक तरहले हामीलाई हैरान पनि पारेको छ ।

भर्खर भर्खर किशोरावस्था प्रवेश गरेका केटाकेटीले पटक पटक ऐना हेरे जस्तै अहिले जो कोहि पनि त्यसैलाई हेर्छन् । कहिले सचेत भएर । कहिले आवश्यक भएर । कहिले बिना आवश्यकता । कहिले यन्त्रवत् । पहिले पहिले घडि लगाउनेले घडि हेरे जस्तै । सैयौं पटक म आफैंले पनि नाडि घुमाएर घडिलाई नाकै मुनि पुर्‍याएर पुलुक्क घडि हेरेको छु । तर समय हेरेको होइन । घडि हेरेको । किन भने नाडी तल नपुगिसक्दै "कति बज्यो कुन्नी?" को प्रश्नले दिमागमा घोचेको घटना हरेक पटक जस्तो घटेकै छ । पहिलो पटक ‘घडि हेर्ने' मात्र, समय होइन । त्यसपछि मश्तिष्कमा समयको प्रश्न तेर्सिएपछि पुन: समयको लागि हेर्ने । त्यतिवेला भने कसैले देखे कि भनेर यसो आँखाको कुनाबाट दायाँ बायाँ पनि हेरिन्छ ।

अहिले त जुन चिजको यहाँ कुरा हुँदै छ त्यो चिजमा सबै हुने रहेछ । घडि पनि, तस्विर पनि, साथी पनि, समाचार पनि, चलचित्र पनि, संगित पनि, नाटक पनि, चटक पनि । सबै भएपछि पलभरमै सत्रचोटि हेर्नै पर्‍यो । हेर्दा हेर्दै कहिले काहिं त के हेरेको र किन हेरेको पनि पत्तो नहुने रहेछ । उहि घडि हेरे जस्तो । हेर्‍यो हेर्‍यो तर समयको पत्तो भने छैन । अहिले त्यो चिजलाई पनि खल्तिबाट, टेबुलबाट, ओछ्यानबाट वा हाते झोलाबाट यन्त्रवत् झिकेर औंलाले यताउति चलाए जस्तो गरी पुलुक्क पुलुक्क हेर्न नपाए त सकसक र छटपटी पो हुन्छ त । कति लत बढेको त्यो चिजको ।

अहिले सम्म त कुरा बुझेर पनि विर्सिने बेला भैसक्यो होला । वा यति पढ्दा पढ्दै कम्तिमा दश पटक त्यो चिजमा हेरिसक्नु भयो होला । अझ नढाटि भन्नु पर्दा कति पटक त यो लेख बीचमा छोडेर त्यो चिजमा हराउनु पनि भयो होला । जे होस, मेरो सल्लाह मान्नुहुन्छ भने आज एक दिनका लागि भरे बार्‍ह बजेसम्म त्यो चिज छुँदै नछुने प्रण गर्नुस । हेरौं न त आकाश खस्दो रहेछ कि धरती फाट्दो रहेछ । हुन सक्छ विद्युतीय सञ्चालमा तपाईं हराएको सूचना नै विषाणु झैं फैलिने पो हो कि । अनि थाहा हुन्छ तपाईंले त्यो चीज चलाउनुभएको हो वा त्यो चीजले तपाईंलाई । जय होस् ।   

विहिबार ०३ पौष २०७६ (Thursday 19 December 2019)

Desire to Live. Desire to Die. Feigned insanity.

While reading the novel 'Veronika Decides to Die' by Paulo Coelho, I came to an interesting realization. That people can have a strong desire to live and at times equally strong desire to die. Some are motivated towards such desire to die by despair. Some by depression. Others by tragedy and hoplessness. But there are people who are driven towards suicidal thoughts by the mere banality of life. 

If nothing interesting and exciting happens, if nothing challenges the person or if the person has too comfortable a life without fluctuations, the person can get so bored with life that the suicidal thoughts and tendencies take root. Coelho says such thoughts are perfectly possible to happen and not that out of the ordinary. 

However, since the wider society is motivated by the desire to live on, thrive and face challenges of life, it brands people with suicidal tendencies as depressed, insane or odd. The society is guided by the normal modus operandi and not by the special condition of these people. 

The book also shows another aspect of suicidal people. Though their overwhelming desire is to die, they also have lingering wish to live that can surface time and again. Such desire of life becomes stronger especially when they fail in their attempt to take their own life. 

Another interesting aspect of the book is to describe insanity as a kind of freedom. Oftentimes, one wants to shout, behave oddly, say things that are not expected from a normal person or even such trivial things as go naked or sleep on the street. But these desires are curtailed by the social norms and expected normal human behavior. Insane people do not have such social boundaries and they can do whatever whim gets them. So it can happen that people who want to show such unfettered freedom can feign insanity. Such feigned insanity can give them temporary freedom to pour their hearts out and do what they otherwise cannot do. Almost comparable to people getting drunk before pouring their hearts out. 

Overall, I found the notion and overall topic of the book interesting. Oddly enough, Veronika ends up not dying and being cured of her ailment by an experimental treatment. 

Tuesday 03 December 2019