Envy in the Age of Social Network

Referred to by a colleague, I read an article in Guardian news portal about the age of envy. The topic gave me a good jolt as it articulated a lot of feelings and emotions I have myself felt many times. Envy is a natural tendency, not just among humans but also in animals to some extent and there is also some sort of competition for food, shelter, mating and area of influence. If there is competition, there is the prospect of 'have's' and 'have not's' among the lot. When such disparity becomes inevitable, envy is a natural emotion. 

When a colleague gets a promotion or a foreign trip or a mere complement from the boss, I feel a pang inside me. Though that vanishes after I cajole myself with one reminder of altruism or two, the first split second reaction is always of a bitter pang inside of me. That split second can last longer at times or can vanish immediately at others. But irrespective of the length of the stay, it is the first emotional reaction almost every time someone I know achieves something that I do not. Why not me? Where did I go wrong? What did he or she do to deserve it? He or she is not that superior to me but, still, why? Why is that guy getting such a nice car while I have to stumble to and from the office in overcrowded buses with pushy people stepping on and muddying my shoes? 

This overpowering feeling motivates me to stay away from social networks and elite gatherings. Is my salary higher or lower? Are my kids more or less smart? Is my spouse more or less active and attractive? Is my office more or less reputed? Is my phone more or less sophisticated? These comparisons and the consequences of those comparisons are always clouding my thoughts. I cannot be better in all respects. In fact, there are people I know very well that are so far ahead in one or more of those aspects compared to me? Not that I am not trying or being wasteful. Not because I am lazy or uneducated or devoid of opportunities. Not because I was the victim of conspiracy or situation that hindered me. Being better in every respect is simply not possible. I know that but still every time I see a photo of a colleague on a sophisticated place, every time I hear that somebody's kids are going to a better school or got a better opportunity, every time I see someone being happy with their spouse or friends, I feel a pang. After that initial pang, I generally end up successfully convincing myself that I am doing good in my own place and situation. 

Generally, that convincing becomes powerful not because I find myself well positioned but I convince myself that there are other people I know who are much worse off and after all being wherever I am is not that bad. Hence, my self-appeasing argument rests not on being happy about my own situation in absolute terms but by making myself better positioned than those who are worse off. It is like making someone else worse to make myself look good. That is capricious to some extent. But a worldly being with high aspirations and limited capabilities like me does not have much else to my disposal. 

Moya Sarner, the author of the Guardian article calls it comparison disorder. He cites various researches and experts to show that this phenomena of people comparing themselves to others and being unhappy is being exacerbated particularly by the age of hyper-connectivity and social networks. Those who pose and post usually do their best to polish and promote their persona, often to an unrealistic degree of loftiness, all to have maximum impact on the viewer. Such accentuation of wealth, beauty and sophistication is often so high that the image being projected tends to show a level much higher and farther from the actual situation of the person being depicted. This is creating psychological problem to the viewer as well as the poser. The viewer problem is already described above. But, as narrated so well in the same article, the psychological problem is profound also on he poser. The person starts comparing his or her real life with the situation projected on the image. This leads to comparison syndrome within the single persona of the poser. Comparison between the real self and the projected self. The real self wants to be as good as the projected self. When real self cannot, there is increasing disillusionment between the two persona of the same person. 

So, not good to be indulging too much online and getting affected by what others have achieved. May be they are in a different situation. Even if they are achieving that much, it is not at our cost. And, more importantly, there might be much more who would love to be where we are. Introspection, sanity and prudence are valuable in the modern age to minimize impact of comparison disorder.

09:25 PM  14 April 2019 (1 Baishakh 2076 - New Year Day)