Citizenship in Mother's Name - A question of equality

New political wave. New government. New scandals. New ideologies. New debates. These are some of the defining indicators of contemporary Nepal in terms of policy discussions and direction of society. Among all the issues being debated or pondered upon, the issue of citizenship in the name of mother is a widely discussed one. It is also very important for the shaping of the future social fabric of the country. Some talk about equality and self-respect for women. Others talk about status quo and culture. Some say it will be a disruptive force while others argue it shall be an important positive change.

The issues of inheritance for daughters and citizenship in the name of mother are indeed very important ones that have far reaching consequences on the social structure and familial relationships. However the bigger half of humanity needs to be treated equally. Not in terms of behavior and respect but in terms of formal statutes, legal provisions and personal rights. Women are the fulcrum on which the whole humanity rests. Women do not discriminate between their brothers vs sisters, sons vs daughters, fathers vs mothers. Women nurture the entire gamut of family members, male or female, young or old. As the saying goes, behind every successful man, there is a woman. In fact there are more than one. There is the divine, loving and protective presence of mother. There is constant support and love from the spouse. There is continuous flow of constructive energy from sisters. Looking at the daily comings and goings of average family, daughters seem to be more caring, considerate and kind towards their parents than sons.

If a child always looks up to the mother for support, guidance and protection, why can't that child get his or her identity from mother? Why is it always the father?

Some people argue that citizenship in the name of father is our tradition and it is safe not to change. But are these non-pragmatic traditions immune to change and improvement? If so, why change the barbaric Sati or ChauPadi or Witch Hunt or marginalization of widows or exploitation of child brides? If some custom is considered a tradition and culture, all these obsolete social processes can also be called so. If such traits are to be protected in the name of culture and tradition, where is the positive and progressive change the society has been striving for?

Being married for almost 18 years now and a father of two, I always turn to my wife for support and guidance at those tricky and tough moments. Let alone my kids and family, I cannot even manage my anger, frustrations, anxieties and uncertainties without her comforting words and energizing presence. My father always turns to my mom whenever he has to make some decisions, big or small, short term or long term. Whenever I look downcast or even slightly worried, I see double impact on my mom and wife. Every man must be feeling same. If our ladies are so important in our lives, why not acknowledge their value in formal ways?

Long time back, in a TV discussion, acclaimed author Shova De said a mother did not need any proof for her to be called mother of a child. But for father, it depends upon trust or needs proof if the trust factor is weak. Perhaps the social regime of marital relationship is designed to establish that trust in a non-biological way. And that regime has worked well since time immemorial. That is, until the recent wave of divorces, breakages, single parentages and so on. Still, a mother does not need proof to call herself a mom of the child. Biology and her care for the child obviates that, except in cases of surrogacy which are still very rare. A man needs a well-recognized relationship or medical proof (thanks to the new medical advances in this area) to support his parentage of the child. Still, the social fabric does not pay due respect to the obvious relationship of mother and child. Still the legal fabric bars mom from passing her name and identity to her own flesh and blood. Perhaps, society is missing a great change that needs to occur. It is not a matter of our society only. It is pervasive across the world.

More than relationships and role of women in the social and family fabric, it is also a question of equality. Sportswomen being paid less than sportsmen, female professionals and workers getting less than male counterparts, women and girls judged according to the physical appearance rather than their capabilities and talent. A bride having to relinquish her maiden name and adopt that of her groom. Family lineage associated only to males. Big and small, the list of inequalities is still a long one. A courageous leadership and vision is needed to change this. If entire political systems can change, if entire dynasties that ruled for centuries can be replaced, these traditions can too.

This will create some upheavals, disruptions and debates. This will create some divisions and disagreements. But any amount of debates, disagreements and disruptions do not justify the unequal treatment of the better, more kind and more loving half of humanity that the other half is so dependent upon.

10 September 2018