Predicament of Women

Sometimes, I feel ashamed to be a man. A woman gave birth to me, nurtured me, made me an able man and even today in my mid-40's I feel refreshed & energized whenever I am with her. Another woman has been my pillar of support, energy and confidence for almost 18 years. She made me a proud father of two wonderful kids, provides constant love and affection to all of us 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Still, I feel pain to see men being the single biggest cause of pain, abuse and suffering for women. 

Today, I was moved by a BBC article about a good work being done in Nepal to help women suffering from domestic and partner violence. The article has highlighted a good initiative taken by Nepal in providing one-stop service to the suffering women. The one-stop service provides medical assistance, psychological counseling, police support, legal advice and other necessary help to the women who suffer abuse at the hands of their husbands or partners. 

Though the initiative is good and provides a rare but encouraging good aspect of the country to the outside world. However, it is the inside story that makes me suffer. The inside story is the story of abuse that is still rampant in societies. The story of men abusing women. That abuse revolves around their desires and a monstrous false superiority complex leading to arrogance and use of physical force where love and affection are needed. 

Sadly, it is not only the poor societies of Nepal that have such problem. Similar problems persist in much more developed and affluent societies, as described in the same BBC article. How come every woman and girl has to be suspicious of every male despite the two sexes being designed by nature to be complementary and necessary to each other. 

What is it that we men need to teach ourselves and  our sons so that the women and girls feel safe and confident about every other man? 

How come that we feel uneasy to let our young girls to be alone with men, even men of kin and relationship? 

Why are there stories of men abusing their wives or girlfriends, strangers abusing unknown women, rapes in parks & public transport, even fathers and grandfathers abusing their own daughters and granddaughters, teachers abusing students, coaches abusing cadets, bosses abusing staff? This list could go on for a mile. Almost all of the time, it is a man abusing a woman. The same man that was given birth to, nurtured and cared for by a woman. The same man whose life would be incomplete without a woman. The same man whose happy relationships and friendships are dominated by the cheerful, delicate and loving presence of a woman in many forms and incarnations. 

If such abuses do not reduce in number and intensity, it shall be more and more difficult for men like me to have a straight face in front of women in our lives - mothers, wives, sisters, colleagues, partners, bosses, subordinates. Every time we face them, we might be reminded by the horrendous crime the person of our own gender perpetrate on the persons of their gender. Though we ourselves might have have committed the crimes but the sense of belonging to the class of society is in itself a big source of shame. 

Thursday, 25 October 2018

Dream to be a Wordsmith

Writing profound things in few, simple and easily understandable words is a dream. Whoever has acquired or mastered this trait can express inner feelings in eloquent, comprehensive and easy way so that others can connect to the idea. 

This is a gift that not many people have and most people aspire for. Some have natural talent for this but others can also master it to significant degree. What is needed is commitment, attention to detail and a propensity for repetitive practice towards betterment. Writing skill development needs a lot of reading as well. Reading good and well-written material gives the reader important insight into what a well-written piece looks like and what the essential ingredients making an engrossing read are. 

Capability to provide a perfect mix of information, entertainment, profound message and light moments to the reader comes as a consequence of mastering the art of writing. Whenever one reads a great poem, a brilliant story or an engrossing prose, one wonders at the capability of the author to convey so many profound messages in so simple and commonplace set of words. Those words and phrases are like buckets of colors. A virtuoso painter creates amazing works of art whereas a common man can do nothing but ruin his own hands and clothes with the same bucket of color. It is not the material that matters, it is how you use the material that matters. 

Writing, like any other work of art, needs some inner talent for the person to excel. However, again as any form of creativity, even a common person can practice and master it to significant extent. Like an ability to paint a good picture, play a musical instrument or even create a clever computer program, capability to create a good, readable piece of idea or message or story or any written piece can give the creator an immense joy and feeling of contentment at having created a unique work of art. 

It is indeed an art worth the hard work to conquer. Maybe these few ordinary lines give this narrator an important few minutes of practice to inch towards betterment. As the saying goes, Practice Makes one Perfect.

21 October 2018

Mother Without a Baby

Some stories entertain and enthrall you. Others bemuse and lighten you up. Some give you a big emotional jolt like a bolt of lightening.  Today, I read a story of a mother of stillborn child on the BBC. She is a journalist with the broadcaster and experienced something no woman in the world would want to experience. She had her daughter stillborn. It was a baby much longed-for and anticipated, much prepared for and dreamed about. Still, complicated and delicate that all pregnancies are, hers was overly so. She broke water early and her daughter died before she was born. 

It is hard to imagine yourself in this situation but there indeed are countless people out there experiencing such profound emotional scars. Scars that are so deep that you cannot subside them for the rest of your life. And it is not only you that suffer, your family, friends and loved ones also feel the pangs of it. For a human being and even more so for a mother, no loss can even come close in intensity to the loss of a child. 

A child is the embodiment of a parent's dream. All the shortcomings, deficiencies and unfulfilled aspirations are cherished by parents hoping they shall make their children better than themselves. Every parent dreams big on a child to overcome those shortcomings, dispossess the deficiencies and fulfill all the aspirations. All parents want their children to be much better, more successful and overall a more complete human being than themselves. Children are the biggest reason behind parents striving to do more, be better and achieve more. And imagine the mother nurturing that little embodiment of dreams with her own flesh and blood for months having to lose it, at the moment of holding it in her arms and cuddle it with the most divine forms of love - that of a mother to her child. Imagine the feeling of pain and sorrow felt by that woman at that moment. What could surmount that grief? Perhaps nothing. 

However, the tenacity of the human persistence is such that even such bereaved mothers (and fathers alike) find different reasons to persevere, persist and prop themselves up. In case of this BBC journalist, she tried to preserve memory of her daughter and started connecting with mothers with similar emotional scars. She would personify the gone child, register her birth (and death), celebrate her birthdays and even help other bereaved mothers connect better with their lost children. She would help them cherish long-lasting memory of the very short companionship with their children. Perhaps it is the best way to handle the grief and try to heal the deep scars. Perhaps it can add meaning to their lives and try to replenish the deep emotional void that they carry with them.

Seeing children of peers grow up into gorgeous human beings would certainly remind them repeatedly of their loss and lead to a lot of 'what if' in their minds. In in the meantime, perhaps the way they handle the loss and regroup themselves to move ahead in life is a testament of the tenacity of their emotional fabric. It is perhaps also the testament to the magnitude of parental and especially motherly love. No love can be greater. 

Monday 15 October 2018

वुद्धिसागरको प्रेरणादायी कथा

आज अनलाइनखबरमा ख्यातिप्राप्त आख्यानकार बुद्धिसागरको अन्तरवार्ता पढ‍ें । मन छोयो । उनि प्रशिद्ध उपन्यास 'कर्णाली ब्लुज' का सर्जक हुन् । देशको दुर्गम क्षेत्रमा जन्मिएका र पढाइमा समेत औसत भन्दा कमजोर वुद्धिसागर अहिले देशकै अग्रणी आख्यानकार भएको प्रसंग सार्‍है प्रेरणादायी लाग्यो । पढाइमा अब्बल हुनु र राम्रो जागिर वा व्यवसाय गर्नुलाई आम रूपमा सफल जिन्दगीको मानकका रूपमा हेरिन्छ । तथापि वुद्धिसागरले सानैदेखि पढाइको निम्न स्तरको वावजुद आफ्नो रूची र चाखको विषयलाई अंगालेर त्यसैलाई एक प्रभावकारी जीवनयापनको माध्यम बनाए । त्यसैबाट नाम र संगसंगै दाम पनि कमाए ।  

धेरै लेखपढ गरी गतिलै जागिर खाएका भएपनि र व्यक्तिगत रूपमा सम्पन्न जीवनयापन गर्न सकेका भएपनि उनि शायद अहिलेका ख्यातिप्राप्त र सम्मानित वुद्धिसागर बन्न सक्ने थिएनन् होला । आम रूपमा गरिने पेशागत काम र सृजनात्मक काममा त्यही त फरक छ । सामान्य पेशागत काममा जति सफलता पाएपनि त्यसको प्रभावक्षेत्र कम र सीमित हुन्छ । सृजनात्मक कामको भने त्यो क्षेत्र सार्‍है फराकिलो हुन्छ । 

अझ अहिलेको सूचना समाजमा कोठामा बसी बसी पनिे लेखक कविले आफ्ना रचना संसारभर फैलाउन सक्छन् । लेख्न, प्रकाशित गर्न र त्यसको प्रचार प्रसार गर्न अभूतपूर्व रूपमा सजिलो भएको छ । कयौं लेखक देखिन्छन जसले आफ्ना छिटपुट रचना सामाजिक सञ्जालमा हालेको भरमा गतिलो सर्जक बनेर निस्किएका छन् । कुरो लगनशिलता र आफ्नो क्षमता पहिचानको नै बढी रहेछ, श्रोत साधन र पहुँचको भन्दा । 

व्यक्तिले आफ्नो रूची अनुसारको सपना र सपना अनुसारको प्रयास बाट नै नाम र दाम कमाउन सक्दो रहेछ । कता कता विख्यात हि‍न्दी चलचित्र थ्री इडियट संग पनि भाव मिले जस्तो छ । 

लाग्छ वुद्धिसागरको कथाले यो शब्दकारलाई पनि केहि गर्ने जांगर र प्रेरणा प्राप्त भैरहेछ ।  शायद अरु धेरैलाई पनि प्राप्त भएको होला । प्रेरणा भनेको टुसा उम्रिन लागेको बिउलाई माटोमा चिस्यान र हावामा उचित उष्णता प्राप्त भए जस्तै हो । बढ्न र मौलाउन मद्दत गर्ने । आफ्नो क्षमतालाई चिन्ने, सो अनुरूपको सपना देख्ने र त्यो सपनालाई चरितार्थ गर्न सत्प्रयाश गर्ने प्रेरणा वुद्धिसागर जस्ताको जीवनबाट सबैलाई प्राप्त होस । 

आइतबार, २८ असोज २०७५ (१४ अक्टुबर २०१८)

चाडबाडको तीतो मिठो स्वाद

समय वित्न कत्ति पनि बेर लाग्दो रहेनछ । हिजै जस्तो लाग्छ पोहोर सालको दशैं मनाएको, दौडधूप र चटारो परेको । फेरि अर्को दशैंले दैलोमा पाउ राखिसकेछ । धान काट्ने किसानको ७४ सालको हातको ठेला मेटिएकै छैन होला फेरि ७५ सालको धान काट्ने बेला भएछ । पोहोर दशैंमा चिनो र टेलिफोन बार्तामा चित्त बझाउने परदेशिका आमा, बाबु, प्रियतम र प्रेयसीको आंखाको आंसु र ओठको सुस्केरा ओइलाएकै छैन होला फेरि अब त आउने हो कि परदेशी भनेर बाटो हेर्ने बेला भैसकेछ । अथवा फेरि पनि प्रियजन भेट्न नपाउँदा परेली भित्रै आँसु र ओठभित्रै सुस्केरा सकी नसकी अड्याउने दिन आइसकेछ ।

आकाशभरि चङ्गाहरू, फाँटभरि लिंगे पिङ्गहरू र शक्तिपिठभरी श्रद्धालुहरूको भीड देख्दा लाग्छ शहरबासीले घुलो, धुंवा र बाटाका खाल्टा विर्सिए, गाउँबासीले खेतिको चटारो, रित्तो खल्ती र खर्चको बोझ विर्सिए । पानी नअाउने धारा, गाडी नगुड्ने सडक र बेसाउनै नसकिने बजारिया सामानको पिरलोले थिलथिलो बनाएको जीवन परिवेशमा पनि अलिकति खुशिको सिर्को जनमानसले पाए । केही दिनको लागि भएपनि थोरै तनाव र धेरै उमङ्ग बीच जीवनको लामो यात्राको लागि आफ्नो शारिरिक तथा मानसिक सामर्थ्य पुनर्ताजगी गर्न सके । यो भन्दा ठूलो उपहार शायद चाडबाडको अरू नहोला ।

कतिका घरमा लामो समयपछि उज्यालो भयो होला । कति नानीहरूले वर्षौं पछि पूरा परिवार देख्न र चिन्न पाए होलान् ।, कति जोडिले सिरानीको तस्विरको साटो साच्चिकैको प्रिय अनुहार हेर्न र न्यानो अङ्गालोमा बेरिन पाउँदा अमूल्य आनन्दानुभूति गरे होलान् । देशका लाखौं कर्मठहरू अझै पनि खाडी, मलाया र खै कता कता घूंडा धस्दै, पसिना काढ्दै दशैंमा घर जान नपाउँदाको दु:ख विर्सिन खोज्दै होलान् । 

बाकसभरी मायाको चिनो बोकेर आउने आशा गर्दा गर्दै आफ्नो परदेशी बाकसमा बन्द भएर आउँदा छिया छिया परेको मुटु र च्यातिएर छरपस्ट भएको जिन्दगीका टुक्राहरू संगाल्न खोज्दै आफ्नो भाग्य देख्दा विश्वास गर्न नसक्ने पनि कति होलान् कति । समाजभरी उल्लास र रमाइलोले परिवेश मग्न हुंदा तिनका मनमा डढेलो र भविष्यमा भड्खालो पर्दा पनि चित्त बुझाउनुपर्ने नियति र फेरि सम्हालिने शक्तिले अरुलाई पनि प्रेरणा प्राप्त हुंदो हो । धन्य हो मानिस, जति दु:खमा पनि उठ्ने र जति खुशिले पनि नपुग्ने । मानिस बनाउने कोहि योजनाकार रहेछ भने उसलाई त मान्नै पर्छ । 

असमान समय, असमान जीवन, असमान भोगाई, जति धेरै मान्छे त्योभन्दा धेरै कथा, व्यथा, हासो, रोदन, खुशी, उदासी, सफलता, असफलता, प्रगति र दुर्गती बीचको जीन्दगी र परिवेशमा समयको टिक टिक संगै बारम्बार आउने चाडबाडले नयां शक्ति, उमङ्ग र दु:खै दु:खको बीच पनि झीनो आशा र भविष्यको अभिलाशा कायम गर्ने रहेछ । लाग्छ यी चाडबाडको चलन त्यसैको लागि हो ।  मान्छेको रित्तिन लागेको ब्याट्री चार्ज गर्न र इन्जिन मर्मत गर्न ।

जय चाडबाड !!

शुक्रबार, २६ असोज २०७५ (१२ अक्टुबर २०१८)

कागजी प्रक्रियाको सकस

कागज गजबको चीज रहेछ । प्रेम पत्र पनि कागज, नगद नोट पनि कागज, नियुक्ति पत्र पनि कागज, राजिनामा र बर्खास्ति पनि कागज, जन्म र मृत्यु जनाउने पनि कागज, कार्यालयमा सानो भन्दा सानो देखि ठूलो भन्दा ठूलो निर्णय गर्ने पनि कागज । कागज बिनाको समाज र सामाजिक प्रक्रिया कस्तो हुन्थ्यो सोच्न गार्हो नै छ ।

कार्यालयको काम, काम गर्ने कर्मचारी र हरेक कामलाई चाहिने कागजी विन्द्रालो ले कहिले कांही त दिक्द र दिग्भ्रमित बनाउँछ । लेख्यो, देखायो, कटायो, फेरि लेख्यो, देखायो, कटायो, अब त सकियो भनेर देखायो फेरि कलम चलाउने बेलामा फुत्त एउटा नया आइडिया वा पहिला आभास नभएको कमी देखिन्छ अनि फेरि घुमिफिरि रुम्जाटार भनेझैं जहाँको त्यहीं ।

छलफल हुन्जेल, विचार आदान प्रदान चलुन्जेल सबैले मन पराएको कुरो पनि कागजको टुक्रामा परेर बाहूली निशान लगाउने बेला भएपछि मन नपर्ने, कता-कता नमिलेको, सोचे भन्दा फरक, अस्पष्ट हुँदै जाने रहेछ । अनि जब कागजमा मोहर लगाएर औपचारिक बनाउने बेला आउँछ तब यो पनि भएन, त्यो पनि भएन, यहाँ पनि मिलेन, त्यहाँ पनि मिलेन जस्ता गुनासा, नाक खुम्च्याई र ओठ लेप्र्याई ले वाक्क दिक्क बनाउँछ । एक घण्टामा हुने निर्णय एक दिनमा र एक दिनमा हुने काम एक हप्तासम्म पनि हुँदैनन् ।

कागज अगाडि नपरुन्जेल अरबी घोडा जस्तो बलियो आत्मविश्वास कागज अगाडि आएपछि रुझेको विरालो जस्तो लुगलुग काम्न थाल्छ र अनेक तर्क-वितर्क र प्रश्नको पेटारो खुल्न थाल्छ । पेटारोको हरेक प्रश्नमा जवाफ चित्त बुझ्दैन र त्यो कागज खाली कागजमै सीमित रहन्छ, दस्तावेज बन्न सक्दैन । त्यसैले होला कार्यक्षमता बढाउने सोच भएका संस्थाहरूमा कागजी काम कम गर्ने र प्रक्रियाहरूलाई स्वचालित र प्रविधिमा आधारित बनाउन शुरु गरिएको । छिटो सूचना प्रवाह, छिटो निर्णय र सो अनुरूप काममा थप गतिशिलताले आखिर समग्र संस्थालाई नै फाइदा हुने हो । तर त्यसको लागि सम्बन्धित व्यक्तिहरू पनि समय सापेक्ष र परिवर्तन मूखी हुनु जरूरी छ ।

२१ असोज २०७५ (७ अक्टोबर २०१८)

Compassion Fatigue - Caring Too Much Can Hurt !!

This morning, I listened to an interesting program on BBC under their series "The Why Factor". The topic was Compassion Fatigue. It occurs when we care too much or show too much compassion for others while ignoring our own emotions or while not caring enough for our own selves, compassion fatigue can happen.

 

According to the website focusing on this psychological condition, compassion fatigue is a state experienced by those helping people or animal in distress. 

It may sound counter-intuitive that the people who show continued level of compassion, love and care for those in pain, distress or trouble can harm themselves by the same compassion. However, time and again when we have to provide continued care and love to people in distress, we can get tired or exasperated. Especially when continued care or help cannot make major difference in the condition or suffering of the person being cared, the care givers may experience emotional void and drain-out. In such condition, they feel out of stock for any further show of compassion and empathy towards those in distress. 

When care givers have to show continued care and compassion without getting any affection or care in return, probably they cannot emotionally recharge and experience emotional drain. Persons suffering from such condition not only are unable to provide same level of care, it may also lead to indifference and negligence. 

While compassion fatigue or secondary traumatic stress disorder usually occurs due to continued exposure to distress and having to sustain persistent outbound compassion without anything in return, it can also be accentuated by substance abuse. 

It seems that those great people who dedicate their lives day in and day out to care for others in extreme distress, pain or suffering have to provide a little care to their own selves. They, the care givers, should also have mechanism to emotionally recharge themselves, understand their own conditions, communicate with each other and share information about experiences. After all, such fatigue seems to be caused by emotional void and that void can be filled to a large extent by awareness, sharing, communicating and care directed at oneself. 

02 October 2018